Foot Faffing

When you're hiking these long distances 

Your feet are like Crown Jewels

So much more than semi-precious

To be ignored only by fools

When you shop for boots and socks

You find you're gulping at the price

But it's really so important 

In the end you don't think twice

So when the time comes to get ready

At the start of each new day

It's the brave man who will simply

Shove them on, get underway

No, the fact is now the hard work starts

It's time to take precautions 

So out come all the creams and stuff

In staggering proportions! 

Each one has his own routine

My hubby favours just 

A slick all round with Compeed stick.

Not me - it's all or bust!

I should explain that things are worse

Since picking up a blister

So now it takes me just a little

Longer than my Mr.

And I warn you, it's not sexy 

Best to foot-faff on your own

Cos otherwise your other half 

Might choose one to disown.

First out comes the Sudocrem

(Yes, that stuff for baby's bum)

It's well known as a barrier

And to moisturise, and numb!

Next there's toe protectors

(These are recently acquired)

For ancient corns or sore spots

Or wherever is required

I've even now discovered

Ones that slip on like a hat

For cosseting your toe-ends

Now what'd'you think of that?!

So once these gel-filled wonders

Are held in place, secure

Then it's over to the foot-fleece

To be absolutely sure.

You tease a little off 

Wind it round or tuck between 

Till you've more 'hair' than a hobbit

And they're looking quite obscene!

And finally, the plaster

For the blister, see, in case.

But it has to be a special one

Big enough to see from space!

And when that's done you breathe

A sigh of readiness, at last

Those socks you paid so much for

Can begin to join the cast

Of this flipping faffing drama

By which time we're both in stitches

But at least I won't be hobbling 

(That is, barring any hitches).

And so the boots go on 

With half a chemist-load within

Lord, it's a wonder they still fit!

Now let the walking day begin.