Moving on....
So, back to the planning. Originally I'd set aside July and August to get in shape for the next epic adventure but July arrived damp and miserable (or was that just me?). Anyway, what I had forgotten to take into account was the need to prepare my BIKE, and not just myself! So, having girded my loins for Day 1 about a week ago I asked HRH if he fancied joining me on a gentle tootle. 'Sure', he says, 'I'll pump the tyres up whilst you're at work and we'll go out after lunch'. Strangely, I wasn't in any hurry to get home that day but, having already used up the 'too busy' and the 'poor weather' excuses and, mindful of the fact that I actually DO have to get to the point where I can average 4 hours in the saddle every day for 6 days in just a few weeks' time, I agreed. Imagine my delight therefore when I was told later that, having dusted off the bicycle pump, HRH discovered I had a puncture! Reprieved, I pottered off to Halfords in my nice comfy car to pick up a new inner tube, and successfully delayed the inevitable another day.
At this stage I'd like to point out that I hadn't been entirely idle. I had re-read the itinerary (50k a day! Day one:slightly hilly! - for some reason these two facts have stuck in the mind), I had watched a bit of the Tour de Yorkshire on the telly and I had been on Google (yes, alright, I know it's a bit rubbish)! Concerned for my various unseasoned body-parts and having been curious as to why Cavendish, Froome and Co dress in such unflattering gear I had been looking up cycling equipment. Actually anyone hacking my search history would find 'How do you stop your bum hurting on a bike?' The answer? Not, as I expected, high tech saddlery or springs but Shorts. Padded shorts to be precise. Unfortunately these things can be pretty pricey and I'm not your average cyclists shape so I was expecting to find it unlikely I'd strike gold - but I was wrong, and before I knew it there was a pair of ladies cycling boxers in my virtual shopping cart and the deed was done. Two days later (still no cycling - the rain was back, the visit to our granddaughter took precedence etc etc) a package arrived, and so did the sun. This was IT. I sneaked upstairs, squiggled into the boxers and hid them under my hiking trousers ready for the off. If I said I now know what it will feel like if I end up incontinent you'll have some idea of what I was wearing. Amazingly HRH was none the wiser and once on your bike no one would know but the sensation was, at first, rather alarming. What's more, the discreetly placed padding in this particular pair is bright pink! If I wore them inside out I'd look like one of those baboons!
My new friends!Anyway, the caring amongst you will be wondering if they are effective and the answer is yes, thank you. Sadly this was not the end of the learning curve.
By our second outing we were a little more adventurous. The route was an 8 mile country road circuit carefully worked out by His Kindness to be sure there were minimal ups and downs. Good start. Hmmm. By the end I had sunburned shoulders, sore hands and a stiff neck. This is going to be tougher than I realised. I have yet to learn how to get into the saddle by swinging my leg over (apparently basic, essential and far less clumsy than my current mounting style!!), the gears are a bit of a mystery (What do you mean, "It's just like the gears in a car??" He clearly doesn't drive with his engine ears like I do, nor does my car feature levers and twisty knob things!) and I can't quite balance to signal that I'm turning left or right but the worst was when he said he'd better get some oil. I thought I was agreeing with him. "Yes", says I, "my brakes definitely need oiling". Well how was I to know that the one thing you don't oil on a bike is the brakes! He laughed and nearly fell off. I just fell off.
Final lesson of the week: chamois cream (ah ha! I'm becoming an expert already). I was at a ball last weekend. The fundraising hosts extraordinaire are not only organising hugely successful plush dinner and disco affairs they are also joining a party cycling round Lake Malawi later in the year (see, our attempts are feeble compared to what some people achieve). Anyway, I emailed the hostess after the ball to congratulate her on the night's results and made mention of my steep learning curve. "Chamois cream" came back the advice, along with a dollop of encouragement. So I looked it up. Well ...
There are creams for your hot spots, those that defy 'nappy rash', stuff for your sit bones, those that protect your rocks, products specially for their nuts, and even, for us girlies, menthol, antibacterial tubes of loveliness called Glide Ride! Can't wait!!! Even funnier, it's made by Hoo Ha (for your hoo ha, get it?) so from now on you'll understand the references and those that didn't drop in for this pre-read will be left wondering. Now, where are the bathroom catalogues ... I might be needing one of those massaging power potties after all.
Until soon ....
